More of You, Less of Me

As I prepare for a Woman Worship, Prayer time, I have been reminded that I need to more of Him(Lord, Jesus Christ). I have been one that has tried things on my own and realized that I can not do it. I have been one that ran from Him, and realized that I can not do it without Him. I have been one that stumbles and I have realized that He picks me up. I need more of Him in my life.

As I has I study Esther, I am realized that I truly need more of Him and more of His anointing. I truly needed Him to face everyday. This week has been a trying week. This is the first time I have been sick with two kids. I have totally had to rely on God to get through it.

Middle School was not a hard time for me. I felt that I had everything going. I was a cheerleader, played basketball, ran track and was in band. What more could a person ask for. I did not seek His face like I should. Yes, I went to church, was in the youth group, but why did I need this God? I could face it without Him. I was popular and an active kid. God was not cool to me in middle school. I can say that I did not think that I needed the Lord.

Then there is high school. My ninth grade seem to be starting off good. I was a cheerleader, in band, baseball manager, and ran track. I did all of this, and was in FFA and showed. There again, who needs God when you have all of this. I did not know that my parents were having trouble with money at this time. My dad takes a job in Georgia. OK, no big deal, he will be back after cotton season and my life will go on as normal. WRONG. Half way through my 9th grade year my parents tell me that we are moving to Georgia. I had just started dating someone that I thought at the time was going to be my future husband, he did too. I had break that off. Could not try out for cheer leading that year because of the move. Cheer leading was my life. Can you say that I cried the hole day of cheer leading tryouts. Was going to move away from my friends that I have known my hole life. What and where was a girl going to turn. I still not see that I needed God at this point. It was the last day of school and I said my goodbyes, got into the truck and here I am now. This is where the truck got me. In Georgia.

My tenth grade year was the worst year of my life. I truly hated it. We started going to church and attended the youth group. I still did not need God. I could do this on my own. I met some friends and I started drinking and partying. A lot. It was fun and a way to get rid of the depression and hate that I had toward my parents. I met a guy and started doing things that a woman should do with their husbands. This too was to get rid of my depression and hate for my parents. My 11th grade year came and it started out better, but still partying and all the other stuff I was doing. I got a call one night from a friend in TX saying that a dear friend of mine had been killed in a car accident. Jeff, was a great friend. One that I loved to be around and did a lot with. I was one of the guys a lot of times. This was a very hard time for me. I was not able to attend the funeral because of where I lived. I was angry at God for taking him out of my life. I guess this accident was the first of many that would happen the next two years. I would attended four more funerals before I crossed the stage my senior year. I became really anger at God. I knew then that I could do it without Him.

My Senior year was great. I had easy classes. I decided that year that I would run for State FFA Vice-President. I begin a year long preparation. I met a lot of people across the state. It was fun. It was time for convention and where the pavement meets the road as my mom would say. I worked hard that weekend. I got voted in my a hair. This is where I realized that I needed God. It was Him that gave me this opportunity and I was going to thank Him for it. That year I dedicated to Jeff. He always pushed me to things and I was doing it for him.

Now that I look back on my high school years, I realize that I truly need the Lord. I pray that it is less of me and more of Him. The Lord gets me through everything. He did back then I did not even realize it until now.